Man, let me tell you: kids these days have it rough– older generations just don’t know how bad we have it. Especially how bad I have it. I mean, everyone else my age has it pretty bad, but the world is out to get me the worst. I’m probably the martyr of my generation, in fact. There will definitely be a book written about me after I die, and if there’s not, then that just reinforces how much of a martyr I really am, in case you don’t believe me.
I know you didn’t ask, but let me tell you all about how awful my life is! And it’s really awful. And complaining about it is really productive, so I complain as often as possible. I run all my miseries by my closest friends first, and I start to feel better for sharing my feelings and talking about what’s bothering me, and I enjoy the sympathy I get from it so much that I keep going with it. Sometimes I can’t necessarily get into all of it because I’m at work or in class, so in those instances instead of complaining, I just make sure to look really sad and complete all my tasks with half-hearted energy–and sometimes I don’t even complete them! Everyone should understand, though; I’m having it bad. They should feel bad for me and help me out by letting me get by with half-assed work while everyone else who is absolutely one hundred percent more fortunate than I am has to complete the full workload.
So this morning I had to wake up at 8:30 A.M. I was exhausted upon waking up because I only got five hours of sleep. You see, I’m a hard worker. I did homework for an hour last night, and then I “treated” myself for being such a dedicated student by watching Netflix and eating ice cream and ordering pizza and cookies until 3:00 A.M. Man am I worn out. I can’t keep up this lifestyle. Maybe I should drop one of my classes because the workload is getting seriously too intense. I’m giving it all I got! Anyway, I had class at 9:00 A.M., so after rolling out of bed, tugging on some sweatpants, and playing on my phone for ten minutes, I drove to campus where I struggled to find a parking spot immediately next to the building I have class in. What the heck! Why are all these bitches parking at the lot closest to my first class! My first class is in this building, and I need a spot! So I had to park at a lot slightly farther away and I ended up being late to class because even though I know it takes at least fifteen minutes to even commute to campus, everyone else got in my way! Why didn’t traffic part like the Red Sea for me?! In any case, class was so mentally exhausting; it was so draining that I slept through the whole thing. I checked my grade online afterwards and apparently I’m not doing so hot, so I think I’ll talk to the professor and ask if she’ll let me do extra credit because even though I’m working so hard, there must be something screwed up with the way she’s teaching, because none of her material is getting through to me.
I had two more classes after that, and at 2:00 P.M. I was finally done for the day. Wow. It has been a long day. After sleeping through the other two classes, I definitely needed a nap to revive myself. On the way home, I stopped at Starbucks and got some coffee, which I needed so badly because the bagel sandwich and chips I bought after my first class and the smoothie and doughnut I bought after my second class and the wrap I got on my way to Starbucks were wearing off. I was starving. It’s like I’m living in a third world country! Where’s the justice?
Except at Starbucks it took forever because all these jerks were in line trying to buy coffee and I was like, “Ugh, I just want an iced spiced venti chai tea coffee with soy milk and a shot of espresso with extra supercalifragilistixpialidosious” and apparently some deaf guy was holding up the line because she had all these questions and there was a communication problem and I’m like, “Can’t you be deaf somewhere else? I want to go home!”
After I finally got my coffee I got home and took a nap. Coffee doesn’t hardly affect me anymore because I drink so much of it because that’s my understanding of adulthood. Adulting is so hard. I live in an apartment and I have all these bills to pay, like rent. That’s really it, though, because my parents pay the other stuff like my cell phone and car note, but sometimes they ask me to pitch in a little and I’m like, “Mom, I just bought a new phone case and new prescription glasses because I got bored with my old ones and also I’ve been out to dinner five times this week so I really don’t have the funds for that. By the way, can you ask Dad if he’ll come up here and take me laptop shopping soon? My old MacBook is going slow so I think I need a new one because I do not have the time to wait ten seconds for it to turn on.” Jeez! And then Mom has the audacity to sigh at me! Jesus, it’s like they want to disown me or something! And here I thought parental love was unconditional!
In any case, after my three-hour nap, I have to go to work at the gas station, which is a real drag. Tonight my shift is four hours long and I just don’t have the energy for it. Being this negative really takes the wind out of you! When I get there, none of the shelves have been stocked and the drawer has no 1’s. Of-freaking-course. I hate my life. I don’t get paid nearly enough to deal with this shit! So I have to stock some bags of chips and some candy bars, and then the Pepsi cooler, which I hate doing because sometimes the bottles are sticky and I hate touching them, but I take my damn time doing it. I make sure the customers notice I am extra sad about how hard I have to work. By the end of my shift, I haven’t finished stocking the couple of shelves, but I don’t even care. I’m going to screw over the next person who comes in so they can feel how I feel a little bit in this cruel, horrible world.
At the end of the day, I feel discontented with my life. I have a shitty job, I’m failing all my classes, and no one knows how I feel. I wish I could screw over the entire world so that it knows how I feel. I think I will. In fact, I am very bored with my life, as well. Why is life so awful? Why does the world make me a victim?
Anyway, I’m going out tonight with a bunch of my friends. We’re probably going to stay out at the bars until 2:00 A.M. and I’m going to spend a lot of money on drinks, for myself as well as others, because I’m a good person. Then we’ll all probably come back and hang out at my place. I work in the morning, but the world hates me so I’m going to enjoy myself tonight because I earned it.
My one friend tells me I shouldn’t pity myself so much; she tells me that I’m just shooting myself in the foot by having such a horrible attitude. I believe she called my poor outlook on life a “self-fulfilling prophecy” and that I make my life harder by having a bad attitude. I tell her she doesn’t understand. Being positive is just too difficult, especially when life kicks me down like this. Boy, adulting is so hard.