One beautiful Cretaceous day, Meredith the Tyrannosaurus Rex walked into Eat Prey, Burp, a local dino-diner.
“Table for three!” Meredith announced as she stepped into the restaurant and almost squashed the host. The host thought Meredith was rather rude, but the host was a lot smaller than Meredith so he took her to her table in silence.
“I’ll have a Diet Swamp Water!” Meredith declared to no one in particular, as she picked up her menu to read it closely. She was very big and intimidating and used to getting her way because other dinosaurs were afraid of her. A couple of the servers looked at each other uncertainly, but the host ended up bringing Meredith her Diet Swamp Water because the host was the smallest person working and the easiest for Meredith to eat.
Meredith was elegantly sipping her Diet Swamp Water when Sonya the Therizinosaurus and Claudia the Hadrosaurus walked in and called to Meredith.
“Hello! Hello!” the ladies greeted each other.
“You look amazing, Meredith!” Claudia said. Claudia was kind of ditzy but very nice. She always made people feel better about themselves whether she was trying to or not.
Meredith smiled sweetly, swamp gunk stuck between her teeth.
“There are so many spelling mistakes on this menu,” Sonya muttered to herself. She was a little odd, but Sonya was very clever. Sometimes the other dinosaurs didn’t pay attention to her because she had feathers and crazy-long claws and a pot belly, but she was actually a very successful scientist.
Finally, their waitress, who had been in the back eating a snack, went to their table and took their order.
“Do you happen to have anything herbivore-friendly? We don’t eat meat,” Claudia asked, leaning forward.
“Claudia, I have the feeling they only serve meat,” Sonya said quietly.
The waitress, a young raptor, narrowed her eyes and pointed with her pen to the sign on the wall. “This is a carnivorous café. We only serve eggs and meat.”
“Well, in that case, I’m going to need some more time,” Claudia replied. She looked back at her menu and flipped through the pages. Sonya shrugged.
“Well I know what I want,” Meredith announced. “I’ll have a platter of eggs, three steaks, and a side of mammal tails. And I want the steaks cooked raw.”
Sonya and Claudia still weren’t sure what they were getting.
“It’s a hard choice. Usually I would have gotten more, but I’m dieting.” Meredith shrugged.
“Do you have any grass?” Claudia asked the raptor waitress.
“We have grass in the yard out back,” the waitress replied.
“Perfect,” Sonya said. “I’ll have that, too.” The ladies handed their menus to the waitress.
Meredith, Sonya, and Claudia began to talk. They hadn’t seen each other for a long time—since before the Late Cretaceous period! Meredith told the girls about her new clothing line, Flex Rex, which was athletic-ware for Tyrannosaurus rexes. Sonya told them about how she had just discovered a weird species that was hairy and could swing through trees and walk on two legs. And Claudia told them about the time when her daughter ate the wrong plant and ended up acting really silly instead.
After a while, the waitress brought out their food. There were five plates for Meredith, and a tiny saucer with a few pieces of grass on it for both Sonya and Claudia.
“How does the grass look?” the waitress asked coldly.
“That sounds like a threat,” Sonya muttered under her breath.
“It’s not exactly what I expected…” Claudia said, inspecting her grass. “It’s so… grass-like…”
The waitress sighed.
“Hey, excuse me,” Meredith said to the waitress. “How much extra would it cost me if I asked you to cook up the host real fast for me…” Meredith watched the host nervously walk by their table.
The waitress threw up her hands in frustration and walked away.
The three ladies started eating.
“So how’s your new car?” Sonya asked Meredith. Meredith was shoving steaks in her mouth.
“It’s good, except I can’t reach the steering wheel with my arms so I’m going to return it after lunch today,” Meredith said with her mouth full. “Claudia, what’s wrong with your face?”
Claudia had been making a hideous face at her fork for a few minutes. “This grass tastes horrible,” Claudia said.
“Manager!” Meredith cried. One of the perks of being Meredith’s friend was that she was really good at bossing people around if you needed it.
A manager scurried over. “Yes?”
“What took you so long?” Meredith demanded.
“Sorry, I had to fire my host for cowering in the store room instead of working. What can I help you with today?” the manager asked.
Claudia pointed at her grass. “This grass just tastes like… It tastes like someone just pulled it from the ground.”
“That’s precisely what the chef did,” the manager said. “Fresh from the ground.”
“Yes, but I don’t like it. Can you process it or something?” Claudia asked.
Meredith nodded. Sonya rolled her eyes.
The manager took the grass away and came back with a saucer full of deep-fried grass.
“Much better,” Claudia announced.
The manager walked away.
When the ladies were done eating, the raptor waitress gave them their checks.
“Shoot, I spent too much money,” Claudia said, shaking her head.
The three ladies paid their bills and planned when they should meet again. Meredith said that they should go back to Eat Prey, Burp, and they heard a loud group groan from behind the kitchen doors. Sonya and Claudia thought they should give the new Lettuce Garden a try next time instead. They agreed to think about it and Meredith said goodbye.
Sonya and Claudia said goodbye to each other, and out of the corner of their eye, they noticed Meredith chasing the host around the parking lot.